Tightness Melted

I didn't realize how tense I was inside. I'm not "that" type of person--uptight, anxious, worried (or so I think). But something similar happens in me, and I'm beginning to notice.

Take yesterday. My schedule changed when I agreed to take my daughter to a medical appointment. Not a big deal, but I wasn't as productive as I would have liked, and I missed some church activities. Everything seemed "normal" until I was leaving. I opened the door to the garage and saw this:

IT MELTED ME! Instead of being met by chaos and things that need attention, I had an intentional scene. Granted, it isn't much by way of design and decor, but it MINISTERED peace to me. Tension I didn't know I had melted away. That's how I identified the tightness that wrapped itself around my thoughts and breath. I noticed when it left. 

I looked up "minister" in the online Webster's 1913 dictionary:

Minister

This little grouping of mostly discarded items is so small and imperfect that I want to apologize for it to the design world, yet I cannot deny the powerful moment I received yesterday! It was a supply of something needful, a consolation, a remedy to an unknowingly rigid, stressed mind from humble design!

It also ties into a phrase that is resurfacing in my thoughts—that an object must serve me, not me serve it. I'll have to write the Amish telephone story and link it here. That's where it all started long ago in the '90s.

Even this morning, as I contemplated the amount of loose tea to use when making a full bodum pot (since I cannot have caffeine the day before my stress test), I hovered a wooden tablespoon with a second helping and thought, It is here to serve you. Use what you desire. 

I always desire a strong flavor. The second tablespoon went in.

Agh! This flies in the face of historical me! Conservation is my usual ruling impetus. Make it last. Get your money's worth. Function is probably right behind that. Everything serves a purpose. No fluff. I've cut off so much desire over the years that it's been hard to identify now. But there is a Guide who helps me. That prompt used in a micro setting like tea could be answered. To be honest, I did falter for a moment. I may have even limited my desire by conservation and function, but at least I stretched it a little bit! I suppose it's like a muscle that hasn't been used for a long time. Flacid. Unusable. But small those small stimuli and exercise can probably prod it back to life again.

When it comes to function, what if the purpose of an object or a setting is to minister? This ministered peace. Certain things I own minister ease, like the massive food processor I received at Christmas versus the mortar and pestle that I attempted to mangle Thai ginger with last week. Yes, I intended to simplify and live like I do in Guatemala—All I need is a broom, towel, and a bucket!—but here I am already cluttered with ease.

So the other day, when I daydreamed about that pink rug and making a garage entrance that pleased me (kind of like how I feel when I see my pink front door entry), it was also not the usual me. A fluffy pink carpet in the garage? That didn't even qualify as logic. But I SAW IT in my imagination. And I'm learning to take action on those things.

[Side note: I just crossed my arms and was considering how far to take this when I heard, "Take your pleasure. Like all things, it is here to serve you." Oh yeah!]

I am in the midst of a rabbit trail stemming from the word minister that led to sacerdotal duties. At some definition/etymology/root/origin note, I thought I read "sacerdotal life" in a short, descriptive list. It wasn't actually there, but again, I SAW IT, and now I'm acting on it. It carries the feeling that this is a part of the "gentle warrior" puzzle (and I should link it to that blog, I suppose). Wait! I know. I'll finish my rabbit trail and post it on that blog, then link back to it here. It strikes me as a lifestyle-worthy mindset.

I just had the luxurious thought I can write ANYTHING! LOL. It's like a kid with a crayon and the paper is not just one standard sheet, but a whole roll.

Seriously. I edit myself so constantly that while I was elaborating a few paragraphs up, the balance my mind was contemplating in words and grammar and a myriad of things too numerous to list, it felt like a blanket had been flipped up and "snapped" to clear it. 

This blog is here to serve me.
I can write anything I want.
Even grammar can go by the wayside.
Punctuation police don't exist.
Take your pleasure.
Write what you desire.

The Ongoing Reorganization Project

It's all on deck. The shelves were the most solid part of the reorganization project. I bough them at an estate sale and painted them with an "Iona color" from my design palette (if I can call it that—just my collection of colors that resonated with me). They were temporarily organized until ... the mini whirlwind.

Astrid has a thing about these bookshelves. Everything at her two-year-old level is attempted to be pushed back. I believe I will start organizing them that way. It's becoming a chore to reset after the grandkids are here.

So I started in. there were a few things hidden behind books as well. I retrieved more books and a picture frame.

By the way, the stack of Danielle Steel books in the bottom middle have a special purpose. I do not read them. But they are HUGE and heavy enough to flatten and dry flower petals from my father's funeral in 2020. I found them at his local library giveaway cart and snatched them up quick—FREE BOOKS! So if anyone is nosy enough to notice, no I do not read romance novels. I have no clue if the author is good, but she is obviously popular! I'm just thankful for big books with matte pages.

The huge painting was done by my maternal grandmother, who painted it from slides taken by my parents while they were in the Peace Corps in Micronesia. My grandfather framed it, possibly with barn wood. He also created the empty frame to the right, which I will fill with ... I don't know yet!

I'm testing the large painting to see if it goes with the room. The longer I leave it there, the more it seems like it belongs. But I may put it over the piano. Then again, I'd love to have the piano more moveable and bring it "in here" (the dining room behind the firelpace) to make a music room.

The items on top are all awaiting some form of attention. 

I'll start giving it to them today!

One Little Opening

My Broccoli Has Issues

It's not a science yet, but I've endeavored to make Aldi my garden. By this, I mean having a place to go pluck up ripe produce and use it.

HOWEVER, a hole in the packaging leaves broccoli vulnerable to mold! This is why I feel like I need to no longer plan ahead and think daily. 

One Little Light

 

Christmas--the first in my "Iona House"--was different than I anticipated. If not for the candlelight portion of the previous Sunday service at my church, I would feel as if a large part went missing. Usually we attend such a service on Christmas Eve. This year, we didn't. Yet that night, when my daughter and I were both exhausted by the previous day of baking cookies with the little ones, I was glad to subtract it from the schedule.

What happened instead (the very thing I wanted to avoid) was that our family time was focused mainly on opening gifts. 

It was better this year, but still not the simple and peaceful "Iona" version I longed for. 

We read a portion of the Christmas story before we opened gifts. I should have previously found the children's book I know I have somewhere. At least it would have had images for them to look at. (Add to checklist for next year.)

We ended with the main gift I wanted to give to each of the families--a $50 bill and declaration of JUBILEE for each. To me, this is symbolic of restoration for all and even a seed for my own restoration.

But I don't want a restoration to what was. I want a restoration of God's original design--for all of us!

NO weapon EVERY tongue

I got derailed in a transcription recently when the speaker declared, "No weapon formed against us will prosper!" I went on a rabbit trail and didn't return until today. When I saw where I was, I immediately remembered what happened (but never happened). I intended to write about the power of such words.

Even in this moment, I will make it very short because I need to return back to it. But I can still feel the power of similar words from a female police officer standing in an intersection on a rainy day. My "jubilee car" had just been smashed. The driver and one remaining witness said it was my fault, but I had a green light (and my witness left--and his phone number never connected). That woman was all business and did her duty with strict efficiency, but spoke to my tears only once: "No weapon formed against you shall prosper." Her voice was authoritative and factual--just like she had been throughout the incident. I believe I made this card after that. 

[NOTE: I did make it that day--05-07-2019 according to the photo.]

So once again, I am flung back to her voice and words as I face the most devastating "stuff" blow yet. 

Bad news keeps coming regarding my home. And I am declaring this again. Maybe I should make this into a mug and sell it to make some money! (I want to make a font too, but that will take a long time.) OH HEY! I could do a digital download of this very item for people who may want to help? Just a quick $1 to download it? No. I need to make a nice one. I'm babbling now.

This post seems to solidify that I need a place to just babble! LOL. I find myself becoming more and more of a hermit. 

How slow do you want the fire to burn?

 

Just a little over a year ago, I had an urge to set up my special writing place. One person I wanted to tell was my aunt because I had been thinking how long it took me to get back to a place of writing--FOR ME. That urge happened just before she passed away. I probably wrote about it on Instagram, but tonight I'm writing here because I don't want it to post to Facebook, which is where my Instagram accounts lead. 

I am really hurting. 

Ironically this blog started because it was a connection with family and friends 20 years ago while I and my kids went through a massive crisis. Now I'm using it as a silent place while yet another crisis wave splashes on the shores. It hasn't stopped.

I came here to write and gasped at the last blog. I forgot I had written it until I saw it. Sanctuary.

This place that was to become a sanctuary is about to be "condemned." The floors and appliances will be torn out. Most of everything will follow the parade to a massive dumpster. The roof might be torn off as well, and who knows what the mold experts will find in the vents. It will be rebuilt, of course. It will be restored. Tonight I contemplate this: 

How slow do you want the fire to burn? I feel like that's the question I must answer for the helpful few who hold matches ready. Their estimates calculate the dollars and time to destroy and restore.

On the other side, I will curate the life I desire for myself. But wow is it hard to make these decisions.

A - Abide (Resilience A-to-Z Blog Challenge)

I intended to write through April. It is April 7. Why have I not yet written? I forgot! YEP. It just left my mind until I was in my notebook yesterday and thought of a word to write about. I went to my list, and a vague memory of writing the date came to me . . . IT'S ALREADY APRIL! What kind of fog have I been in?

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And now it is April 9. I will reset the publishing date to April 1 so posts stay in order and show up on the correct day each was issued. But just know ... I'm all over the place! Maybe I will catch up today. It's Easter, after all, and all about resurrection. Will I resurrect this intention?

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This writing challenge has a theme: resilience. I noticed that the word resilience skyrocketed with the pandemic. That surprised me! It seems like a solid, steady, evergreen word to me. This is the groundwork. I have highlighted portions that stood out to me from the merriam-webster.com website. This is my analogy. Have I had setbacks? Yes! Has my life been deformed? Oh my. YES! Do I want to leap back and recover my true self? Yes again!

 resilience  noun

re·​sil·​ience // ri-ˈzil-yən(t)s 

1 : the capability of a strained body to recover its size and shape after deformation caused especially by compressive stress

2 : an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change

Using Resilience Outside of Physics

In physics, resilience is the ability of an elastic material (such as rubber or animal tissue) to absorb energy (such as from a blow) and release that energy as it springs back to its original shape. The recovery that occurs in this phenomenon can be viewed as analogous to a person's ability to bounce back after a jarring setback. The word resilience derives from the present participle of the Latin verb resilire, meaning "to jump back" or "to recoil." The base of resilire is salire, a verb meaning "to leap" that also pops up in the etymologies of such sprightly words as sally and somersault.

“Resilience Definition & Meaning.” Merriam-Webster. Merriam-Webster. Accessed April 9, 2023. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/resilience. 

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And now to the real blog of what I want to say/document (or whatever this turns into). 

ABIDE

The definition of this word disappointed me. There is a lot of tolerance and even suffering involved! The most simple summary I found of abide is this: "to be able to live with or put up with." (vocabulary.com) 

I expected cozy words. I wanted to snuggle up into abide like a secret sanctuary where I thrive in peace and comfort. My original thought was that if I have a place to abide where I flourish, even if it is only inwardly, it enables me to have resilience—a place where hope is alive and tasted daily, a place of rest and refreshment, a place to regroup, reflect, and eventually bounce back or be reborn.

This word abide is more like the wheels-to-the-ground working of resilience. It's rugged. It's war. To abide is to endure a vigorous onslaught without yielding or submitting. (dictionary.com)

But there's also an oddity. I found another word for abide: brook. 

As it turns out, there's a use of brook that must be somewhat archaic! Either brook or abide can be used when it comes to topics like tolerate, allow, accept, bear, endure. (thesaurus.plus) Of course, I stuck my nose into it a bit. There are all kinds of nuances in the etymology that intrigue me. Maybe tomorrow's B-word will change to brook!

My original plan of diving into key words to resilience just jumped track! I've got a mystery on my hands.

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#AtoZchallenge #2023 #resilience #abide 

PS. And if you like notebooks, these are my current favorite. The covers are from my night walks in holiday lights.