Life unfolds ... some of it here. This blog began as a way to focus on the good things in the midst of a crisis and be a connection to friends and family when it seemed to take all of my time just to weather the storms. It seems to have transformed into a sanctuary of musing and inspiration. Feel free to join me!
Friday, September 30, 2011
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
I wish you were here.
There's a low rumble of the organ;
The hum of tourists off in the distance.
Here, I am nestled in a corner of the prayer chapel at St. Paul's Cathedral ...
Feeling the cold stone pillar on one side
And warm wood to the other,
I'm cushioned in a respectful silence.
It is peaceful here.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Celebrations
Gentle spirits. Vibrant spirits. Generous spirits. When they all combine, I have to say that the celebrations are sweet! Truly, my life doesn't hold enough of these. I'm used to the work side of life, but I'm not used to doing much more than coming up for air until the end of a project.
Thinking through the few number of days we spent together, it's surprising how much room there was for celebrations with each other. We worked hard. We had tea. We celebrated our project, each other and even birthdays. No one was a taskmaster. We breathed, laughed, shared, collaborated, overcame, and built together.
I could go on and on about the people involved ... and I find it hard to accurately express what my heart has felt ... but it was quite amazing to me. The pace, the productivity, the peace, the people. To see it culminate together and be part of it all is a rather overwhelming honor.
This is part of what I need to bring back with me when I go home.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Abandoned Spaces ... KEEP OUT
I woke this morning thinking about the different direction Imogen's song has taken (spoken word, garden perspective personified, gathering into anger) with an overwhelming realization ... that's what happened to me!
Imagining a personified garden being confused when people dwindled, frustrated by its own efforts going nowhere, wondering why all the good things it once knew were so far away, not able to see the "keep out" signs someone else placed on its walls ... I saw the same struggle in myself with the "married years" (and even still struggling deeply with some of the effects).
Tears came then.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Recording for Immi
Today was extra special ... not only did we hear an update on "heapsong3" from Immi, but we recorded some things as well! I guess technically, one can say that my recording hiatus is over. I have one line ("I'm forbidden.") in the midst of many lines, plus screaming, groaning, vowels, hushes and whispers with the group. HA! It will be interesting to see what is used in the piece!
Of course, like many things, it is being filmed. Of course, I'd always rather be behind a camera than in front of it unless there's a good reason. This? It's a good reason, but still rather uncomfortable ... especially since there is NO chance to even try and improve one's appearance when sweaty and dirty in the midst of garden restoration!
If you'd like to share in some of the real time experience, I took a few video clips with my tiny camera (not quality - just good memories):
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Noticings
We were challenged in one “circle time” (when the group
gathers in a circle to learn and discuss) to recall something we noticed … but
not just on the surface. Noticing to the
point of thinking or studying or delving into some aspect of it deeper.
I didn’t share with the group at the time because the
conversations seemed to spiral into plans of the day … but what I was thinking
about was the patterns in nature. Just
earlier, I was contemplating the balanced growth of the trees we were clearing
and cleaning with branches sprouting opposite in one way and then the next pair
up at 90 degrees. As I sat there, I thought about the thin-leafed swirls in a
flowering plant, the thorns on some of the vines, the buds of the berries, the
patterns of leaves, even the interesting elements of the weeds we pulled … all
different, all very patterned, and all with specific purposes.
It made me wonder if we could learn from them. What makes the tree strong? Could it be applied to life principles? How about the need for protection? What do the swirls do? Are some things in existence simply for the
joy of aesthetics? I’m sure all is valid … but I have a sneaking suspicion that
if we could know every reason for every element, there would be a purpose to it
that goes beyond beauty.
But before my thoughts ramble too long, I should also try
and remember a few other “noticings.” One was a personal shift today. Until this afternoon, I felt a little like I
didn’t have much to offer other than my help (not that it isn’t significant,
but I’m not an expert in permaculture, etc.).
Then, this afternoon as we split up into design teams to generate some
ideas for the structure to protect the garden plantings, I started to have
ideas.
IDEAS! It felt good to have ideas – ones that were not in
context of job or family or personal goals.
Every team was strong and had good ideas. But contributing to a design team that ended
up receiving the most stones (votes) was truly exciting. HOWEVER – I don’t say that in a way to make
it sound like we did anything extra special.
Truly, some designs were so similar that they could have been easily
merged. And each design has great
strengths that we may find to be more relevant as the actual project
starts. BUT – coming from a relatively
dry place (or so it seems to me sometimes), I felt a little like those who
dream again. I started to feel
alive! IDEAS! Good ideas. They make me
smile.
But before I wrap it up completely, there’s one other
significant “noticing” that plays into the picture. As we worked in the days and hours before, it
was quite an unusual feeling to be away from normal life (i.e. rushing from one
thing to the next, in front of computers, in meetings, in cars, always over
capacity). Even the sound of spades and
forks and rakes in the dirt was like meditation. Birds calling in the forests, male deer
calling in the fields, branches and stems brushing together, footsteps in the
dirt … all brought an organic peace that quietly seemed to reassure my soul without
me even knowing it. It’s a lovely
feeling.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Vessels
Alan meditating (I assumed) on site. |
Alan, a practicing Buddhist from the San Francisco Bay area,
was sharing about how he viewed relationships as being vessels for one another
… and in one context, vessels that could hold the hurt and help the other
heal. In one case, a friend shared
something that was too much for him to hold, and what made an impression upon
me is that he recognized it, communicated that capacity to her, and was able to
gracefully support her within clear boundaries.
Maybe that sounds like a bunch of words, but for me it’s
quite significant. I’ve had a challenge
with boundaries. And people close to me
have challenges as well (some with running over boundaries and others with over
extending their own).
I like thinking of boundaries as vessels, actually. There’s a capacity, a limit, a boundary
within a vessel. It’s clear how much a
vessel can hold. It’s usually not clear
to me how much I can hold. I feel like I
never do enough. Others say I do too
much. And when I do recognize that I am
overwhelmed, I feel guilty. I think I’m
going to challenge myself to carve out my vessel. But not just to know it well, I want to know
its purpose. I want those kinds of
limits that promote a healthy perspective that feeds my own spirit, soul and
body as well. One that isn’t
overwhelmed, one that can give, one that can hold, and one that can heal.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
How To Dream Again
Karsten works for Clear Village and is the project manager
of the whole garden project. I was
asking about the work they do, and the answers I received started making me
think!
What do you do when you go into a place that has lost
hope? Help its people dream again.
What is the key? Trust.
When they still can’t dream, what do you do? Have them share their stories … memories
about neighbors, children, their own childhood, relatives, etc. And as I listened to him describe how it has
worked, it seems that through the very simple action of sharing stories their
dreams were jump started again.
Trust … Dream … Stories … Dreams. I see the connections. And I know there is much more to glean when I
have time to dig beneath the surface and meditate on some of these things. But I see the power of these two things: Stories and Trust.
It makes me want two things:
1) to experience this for myself; and 2) to bring this to others. Of course, I see it so easily in light of Girl
Scouts. As we move forward, it’s almost
as a sluggish giant that has forgotten how to dream. But when we hear those stories about Girl
Scouting, we are revived. We dream
again. And trust? WOW. It’s huge. And after years of constant change (even in
my short time on staff), I can see how the trust factor is essential to dreams
being unleashed once again.
Simple. Powerful.
Stories + Trust = Dreams
Monday, September 05, 2011
Celebrating 19 Means 20 Has Launched
I say surprised because babies weren't being pursued as a goal on the horizon. There was an expectation of 3-5 years of marriage first. I experienced a little over a year of marriage. Then ... MOTHER FOREVER. Some of the journey so far has been amazing, some excruciating, some entertaining, some exhausting, and all of it an adventure one way or another!
So in light of life and change and miracles ... here's to more! Happy Birthday, Jeremy!!!
Thursday, September 01, 2011
Imogen Adventures
For the primary benefit of my dad who got a little update from Facebook (but I haven't been very diligent to chronicle everything) ... here's a recap of my Imogen Heap Adventures so far:
However ... eight (YES - 8!) of my images made it into Andy's favorites for the CD artwork.
Most proudly, one of my images made it on the first inside page of the CD art ... and was very significant because of the "Welcome In A Heartbeat" lyrics because Aiden (my GRANDSON - yes, GRANDSON) was born then.
I'm in the credits! ... but not just for photos, for VIDEOS!
During another livestream, Imogen talked about seeing a clip of a sunflower swaying in the breeze and how it reminded her of her mother (a favorite photo of her smiling in a field of sunflowers). Guess who had the only sunflower video? ME! She described a concept for the video involving a sunflower video projected on her back ... but another video of several yellow wildflowers flowers was also submitted, which is the one easiest to pick out in the final video. I think the one below is mine with the grasses mostly reflecting in reverse on her face. ANYWAY, even though it's hard to tell, I know they chose both video clips that I shared (which is a surprise since I don't have any good video equipment)! How do I know? I received a check! YAY!
And I KNOW this is mine ... it's a time lapse sunset on Mount Scott.
Next project ... I have two images chosen! No live broadcasts to boast about, but having more images chosen was AWESOME. There were no video submissions or sound submission, so the opportunities were smaller. VERY happy to have TWO chosen! Mine above is the branch/ornament/people behind the bubble. And below is the party scene superimposed on the trees. Of course, being in the credits again is superb!
So there's the recap ... other than I was invited to Imogen Heap's house (near London) for the first launch party. I ALMOST went. But I just couldn't justify it with the impact on family. So, I've got a standing invite to join her at a concert of my choice - tickets and backstage access and a little time together. WOOHOO! My favorite thing, however, is getting a personal thank you from Imogen mailed to me. TRULY love those special things.
Andy (left) is the designer doing the digital CD artwork. During a video stream (daily during the project), they highlighted one of mine (shown above). It didn't make it into the top selection out of the thousands of submissions, but it (and I) DID get mentioned in the broadcast!
Most proudly, one of my images made it on the first inside page of the CD art ... and was very significant because of the "Welcome In A Heartbeat" lyrics because Aiden (my GRANDSON - yes, GRANDSON) was born then.
I'm in the credits! ... but not just for photos, for VIDEOS!
And I KNOW this is mine ... it's a time lapse sunset on Mount Scott.
Next project ... I have two images chosen! No live broadcasts to boast about, but having more images chosen was AWESOME. There were no video submissions or sound submission, so the opportunities were smaller. VERY happy to have TWO chosen! Mine above is the branch/ornament/people behind the bubble. And below is the party scene superimposed on the trees. Of course, being in the credits again is superb!
So there's the recap ... other than I was invited to Imogen Heap's house (near London) for the first launch party. I ALMOST went. But I just couldn't justify it with the impact on family. So, I've got a standing invite to join her at a concert of my choice - tickets and backstage access and a little time together. WOOHOO! My favorite thing, however, is getting a personal thank you from Imogen mailed to me. TRULY love those special things.
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