Three Dads and an Uncle (Plus a Super-Texting Mom)

Three smiling faces. Two hybrids. Two blessings: one is to me, one is through me to my daughter. But that's just the surface. The best blessings are people.

Gratitude is my goal of expression here. When last year's blessing (2000 Toyota Camry driven by my daughter) died on the highway, it wasn't long before people started getting involved. The whole story is too long for a blog post, but let's just say it wasn't the best time to navigate such a situation!

Considering that my preferred course of action was to buy bicycles for the kids and keep driving my Honda Civic hybrid FOREVER, it feels like a miracle that I am the one in a practically new car! 

Miracle. What kind of miracle is buying a car? I could go on and on. Maybe I'll separate the lessons I've learned in this short little exercise into bite-sized morsels to write about later on. But for all practical purposes, let's just say that every blessing outside of a practical living expense has got to be inspired by God! (Not that living expenses aren't! I believe it is all His provision along the way. It's just that the planned and known provision is already stretched to miracle status to meet planned and known expenses. LOL)

Car shopping was something I would have laughed off until my dad got involved. Now it was real. His help was pledged, so the quest began. There's something for all of us to learn about trust and God if we have fathers like mine. :-)  Love you, Dad!

Car shopping is also overwhelming! The calls! The texts! The emails! The web cookies that bring cars on to every web browser page! Who knew I would need so much help? Evidently God did. People were alongside all the way. Even when car lots seemed more like a field of vultures, one of my dearest friends was there to help shoo them away or simply get me out of there! Thank you.

Before long, my mom and step-dad were researching cars. Then my uncle stepped into the ring and was plugging in VIN numbers as fast as my super-texting mom could conduct traffic between all of us.

Let me just say to all of you: THANK YOU. While I bumbled around and spent every available moment researching cars, you were all there for me to bounce options off of and offer information. Let me also say: I'M SORRY for inundating you with all the fragments of my mind! But I'm SO VERY THANKFUL that you were all there.

Now if you read the title of this post and have reached this point, you may have wondered (if you have a mathematical mind) where is the third dad?

Papa God is the other "dad" involved in this story. There is no way I can adequately thank or brag on Him, of course. But I do want to give glory to Him for seeing us through a difficult situation and making sure that we are better off on the other side. Only He knows how much I have wrestled with this blessing and the tears I have shed receiving such a wonderful gift.

So what does "give glory" really mean? I went to look it up just now in biblical terms. Interestingly enough, most of the ties I see involve money or wealth! That sounds like another subject to search out. We use words so loosely in modern culture!

But one word that applies (which is part of "kabowd" in Hebrew and translated "glory" in the Bible) is this: honor. That I can do! 

I honor You, Papa God.

Every blessing You have inspired
   I gratefully receive.
I acknowledge You ...

   Your love

   Your generosity

   Your majesty

   Your brilliance

Discovering Your blueprint in my life

   is my greatest adventure.

Thank You for every idea You have that involves me.

Your way of life is the greatest!
And thank You in particular
   for this unexpected bright blue blessing.
It's my "jubilee" car!
Thank You for all the help you inspired.
Bless every life and gift involved FAR more than they could ever dream.
(And even to the car lot vultures, I speak Your goodness and peace over them. May each one know the joy of life with You.)

Amen!

Symphonic Musings: Bartók and Banov and Giants and Walls

There is no photo to accompany thoughts (gasp!) ... But a great deal of musing (plenty of which I won't share simply for ease of thumb typing on my BlackBerry!).

Symphony.
Sumphonia.
Music.
Ministry.

This is the chain of words that comes to mind. There are awakenings in these words and also great resistance.

Last night I found myself in the delightful atmosphere of music (much thanks to a friend who appreciates the same) and found myself enamored with Bartók. I think one of my professors mentioned him as a favorite along with Debussy, and at the time I didn't easily distinguish between many composers, so it slipped far off my radar. Funny how after a quarter of a century it can come flooding back. Béla Bartók ... I even know his first name! As both a pianist and composer, it's no wonder my professor liked him (she was a pianist, violinist, and conductor and loved to conduct the more expressive pieces - and the piece tonight was certainly that).

Tonight at the symphony (well, it still feels like tonight!) I wanted to be invisibly in the midst of those musicians ... But not playing. I wanted to be lying on my back in a meadow, sensing breezes and butterflies and fragrant clover, staring at the sky or my own imaginations scrolling by, swallowed up by sound. A few times, I closed my eyes, but couldn't lose myself too far in a reverie because I didn't want anyone to think I was sleeping!

All this came on the heels of getting weepy as I passed by the pianos in the music store a couple of days ago.

Again, it makes me wonder if God is up to something. These little intersections of musical emotion are not new. I keep bumping up against these bits of abstract glimpses and feelings. Yet there is a great resistance within me.

I just remembered how Georgian Banov said he saw a sleeping giant within me. Ironic ... I think he is also Hungarian like my "new friend" Béla. His music also easily impassioned like breathing, just in a whole different genre ... Praise and worship.

So how does one go about gracefully wakening a sleeping giant? I don't think it's an embrace easily enjoyed.

I probably need to pull out my "I Project" again and continue capturing/remembering/accepting those significant moments. Even now as I am remembering, tears are coming as I recall the great parade of people who have been a voice into these things already. It's awfully humbling. And I think, "Who am I to resist?"

But it's not as much willful resistance as it is fear, I think. And fear started with doubt. Doubt started with trust ... Trust misplaced. All along, I could have trusted my heart.

Last night I was reminded of how G would kick me under the table if it appeared to him that I was enjoying a conversation too much. And I remember being at many a table with amazing ministers, men and women of God who were inspiring and deep thinkers and enjoyers of life, and the signal would come to disengage.

But I also wonder now if the motivation for that signal was insecurity or intimidation? I remember in 2004 before the grand unveiling and crumbling, G said he thought he might be ready to accept my gifts and talents without being intimidated or afraid he'd lose the spotlight. Maybe that's part of the picture throughout!

Intimidation so easily turns around and intimidates. And me? Because I so easily trusted, I so easily accepted. I wrestled but believed it was for my own good. And I ultimately imprisoned myself with invisible walls.

It's time for them to come down. (I almost didn't write that because the thought scares me ... But I feel like I need to say it. GOSH does it ever scare me! I'm fighting myself to delete it even now. Yet I'm leaving this moment here. Evidently it's important.)
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Smiles ... More Important Than Anyone Knows

This week has held struggles and smiles ... like most every week, it seems!  And as I work with photos of Girl Scouts (on Girl Scout Leaders Day, nonetheless) I see so many moments where adults have brought smiles to girls as they learn and experience and grow.

I am ESPECIALLY thankful this week because the smiles have made the difference in some of the biggest ways to the girl who is the most special to me ... my daughter.  It feels like God orchestrated some truly wonderful things from friends old and new to encourage both of us.  A few know the struggles, and if you're one who is reading this, you'll be glad to know that the smile you see on her face here was how the week ended and has continued.

Thank you.  Thank you to family and to friends and to church leaders and to Girl Scout leaders for bringing those smiles.  They are more important than you know!

Turning Entanglement To Art

Sometimes life is bland and flat ... other times it's a tangled mess ... it can be a party ... or it can be the residue from others that is left for me to clean up.  It can look like nothing or an intricate maze.  What makes life beautiful? Perspective.

Maybe my life is all tangled.
Maybe the bright splashes are to be celebrated instead of figured out.
Maybe daily life is a slab of ordinary underneath everything.
But it could be that if I look closer, maybe it's art.

I'm considering adopting a new motto:  Never untangle ... find the beauty.

Rocker Girl and Fairy

So I am NOT big on the Halloween holiday, personally, but I do remember the joy of dressing up as a child and getting to experience something fun or wacky or just plain different for one day.  That hasn't changed in all these years!

Wannabe Hasbeens

He might be the Wannabe ...

I could be the Hasbeen ...

It was a treat to see the Wannabe Hasbeens in so many ways! Chris hasn't changed much at all it seems, same goes for Lori. How they got kids who are practically grown is beyond me! It's great to see the same heart in someone who was so influential in my life so long ago. I have to admit, some of it brought some tears ... but mostly from regrets. Not in a professional sense, but more in a personal one. The greatest being that I didn't listen. I could have saved myself a lot of heartache if I had let some words he spoke sink in!

But enough about that ... the great part? I got to introduce my fiance' to everyone - and by everyone, I mean not just Chris and Lori but two more blasts from the past: Mark and Kelly. It was practically like old times except we're all grown up and have kids! LOL ... so, no, it wasn't old times but it sure was nice to see people I haven't seen for at least 10 years and haven't been able to hang out with for probably more like 17!

Wannabe Hasbeens

My photos from the night (above) ... plus a video clip they posted on YouTube:

Birthday ... Bears ... and Byrne!

How cute ... cousins and friends gathered for a party at Build-A-Bear, and they each took two hearts (here they are rubbing them on their cheeks for lots of smiles) and put one inside the birthday girl's bear and one in their own. But what does Byrne have to do with it? He's in the picture! HA! Anyway, my little one got to spend the weekend with grandparents AND have a bear birthday. What could be better?

After 20 Years ...

I didn't go to my 20 year reunion ... neither did Connie. She was one of the people I wondered about, so I decided to see if I could find her. And I did ... in New York! She and her daughter, the fabulous Miss O, welcomed us for a visit. They have decorated their place with inspiring artwork they have created and it made me want to go home and break out the paint with my little M. What a treat to catch up a bit after 20 years! Yes, 20 years. I've been one who is terrible about keeping in touch with people. But it sure is fun rediscovering those lives that went on around me and are still moving forward.


Standing on Connie's balcony, this is what I see! Isn't this amazing? If only I had a panoramic lens that could capture the whole breadth of the Manhattan skyline!