Rainy Days and Tuesdays

Rainy days and Tuesdays always get me ... well? Not down (like Mondays - heh). But maybe introspective and cozy.

I've been thinking about thinking. Thinking about spirit, soul and body, and how thoughts operate in each realm. This is just musing from a perspective of what I've learned so far (but truly feel like I know so little), so it isn't meant to be an authoritative voice. I'm just sorting things out for my own sake and happened to see a photo that illustrated it and thus I'm sharing!

SPIRIT and THOUGHT: I believe our spirits hear from God's Spirit and reflect to us the things of the spirit world and truth. When guidance or knowledge or wisdom break through, I see that as a function of our spirit man ... thinking like God thinks, learning the ways of God, making what we meditate on in God's Word real in our lives. The challenge? Quieting the rest of the influences enough to hear that still, small voice.

John 14:26 (NIV) 

But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, 

whom the Father will send in my name, 

will teach you all things 

and will remind you of everything I have said to you.

SOUL and THOUGHT: Mind, will and emotion are at play here. This is where things get filtered, interpreted, tinted and maybe even generated based on what we think, desire and feel. I think it is a dangerous place where what we see and perceive (two different things) seem to feed information to us that can be entirely opposite of truth. The challenge here? Harnessing the mind and training it to think on the things that are good, true, right, etc.

Romans 12:2 (NIV) 

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, 

but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. 

Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--

his good, pleasing and perfect will.

BODY and THOUGHT: My recent fascination with neuroscience has brought some interesting possibilities. Some theories state that by the time a thought becomes what we would call our own thought in the conscious mind, it has already been decided in the brain before we are aware. In that sense, the "machine" of the mind feeds us thought as if it were our own. But the interesting point is that all the neural connections and learning and direction comes from the past ... everything already experienced. And it goes beyond past experience. Nutrition, medication, etc. all play a role in how the physical brain functions. I find it very interesting that many cases of mental health have been "solved" by changing diets.

Add another interesting element ... it seems that our science is advancing to the point where it can show that our thoughts bring things to pass. And those who can focus their thoughts are the happiest of them all. To me, that simply explodes all over the Bible! It's hard to limit my thoughts to just one verse!

The challenges in this area? To treat the body as God's temple (because it is), retrain the mind according to God's future instead of our past, and learn to focus on what will bring us into the best future.

Ephesians 4:22-24 (NIV)
You were taught, with regard to your former way of life,
to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires;
to be made new in the attitude of your minds;
and to put on the new self,
created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

Philippians 4:8 (NIV) 

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, 

whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--

if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.

1 Timothy 4:14a,15 (International Standard Version)

Do not neglect the gift that is in you ... Think on these things. 

Devote your life to them so that everyone can see your progress.

Light

Profound in wisdom
The Spirit leads me to Light
My soul is at peace

Tasting Stars

From a delightful Marry Poppins themed birthday party for my friend's daughter, Ava (who has grown into such a lovely little six year old, by the way), I saw the curiosity, determination, delight, and even frustration on the faces of the children all lined up to see who could eat their gingerbread stars fastest without hands. 

Of course, a life lesson jumped from the children's endeavors.  Opportunities come and they look both exciting and daunting. What do we do with it? Jump in with gusto? Ponder strategies before setting in? Secretly try and get along faster (dare I say cheat)? Or maybe wait a bit unsure of our abilities or to watch others for clues? 

And when the initial excitement has passed and you've still got an uneaten star in front of you while others are dancing to the cheery music ... do you give up? 

The most lovely moment I witnessed was a loving parent encouraging a son. His face was full of tears while the line bobbed up and down and the cookie danced before him, just out of reach. The parent gently guided him, told him he could do it, and urged him not to give up. Standing right there with him, the strength was what he needed.

Hopefully we all have those people standing with us. However, even if we can't see anyone around us, there are still two who are ALWAYS available. God and you. 

1 Thessalonians 5:11 (AMP) Therefore encourage (admonish, exhort) one another
and edify (strengthen and build up) one another, just as you are doing.

Hebrews 13:5b (AMP) ... for He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you
nor give you up nor leave you without support.
[I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless
nor forsake nor let [you] down (relax My hold on you)! [Assuredly not!]

1 Samuel 30:6b (AMP) .... But David encouraged and strengthened himself in the Lord his God.

Life and Love

Life and Love
Heartbeats Intertwine
Creation Begins

Venetian

Color, life and light
Playing through frozen fountains
Swirling and bending

Love to Give

Love - it’s what she longed for.
not just to get
but to give ...

... give passion that knew
no bounds within the sphere
of her heart’s true love.

... give joy that overflowed
from the quiet places
to the open spaces.

... give peace that anchored
the souls of those she adored
deeply and securely.

Walk With Me

The words "walk with me" have started tracing a path in my heart. I looked for something in scripture to capture the moment and found Matthew 11:28-30 from The Message Bible.

Matthew 11:28-30
“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

WALK WITH ME ...
It is such a simple invitation, yet so full of wonder and hope. It's almost profound.
WALK WITH ME ...
To where? I don't know yet. But I know I'm not walking alone.
WALK WITH ME ...
That "unforced rhythm of grace" sounds so beautiful.
WALK WITH ME ...
Do I trust enough to take that first step? And then another? 

I do.

Shake It Out

So far, 2012 has been one for the books! The trials have been ones I would have rather not experienced ... EVER ... but at the same time, the triumphs are starting to build.  So much of that seemed showcased as my "little" Miss M (who is now officially a teenager) danced to "Shake It Out."

I can't watch her dance to those words without crying.  It's a pretty personal statement of her own struggle. She's had to wrestle a good bit of darkness.  And we're starting to see some real light at the end of the tunnel.  Tears come even now.

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaaah
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh woah

Mirrors

Tonight the topic of mirrors came up in a group discussion ... as we talked about peace and what it looked like to us (the portrait, the smell, the sensory clues that communicate "peace"), we talked about those glimpses being mirrors that God gives us to help us picture His design.  We see through a glass darkly ... knowing in part.  These mirrors give us hope.

My mirror is broken ... but there is beauty in the brokenness.  There is an artful array to the tears and tragedies of life.  It's unique.  But it can still reflect the moments of peace and creativity that I crave.  And in some ways, I love knowing that it's completely mine!

I know I won't do justice to the topic that worked its way into my heart tonight until I spend some time digging into my favorite thing ... WORDS (and by that, I mean the nerdy original language stuff).  But I just noticed on Facebook that someone else already blogged and gave the definition of the word "peace" that was discussed.  But in the meantime?  Here's a Bible verse for the photo ... it's my riddle, my enigma, my beautiful puzzle!

1 Corinthians 13:12
Amplified Bible (AMP) 
For now we are looking in a mirror that gives only a dim (blurred) reflection [of reality as in a riddle or enigma], but then [when perfection comes] we shall see in reality and face to face! Now I know in part (imperfectly), but then I shall know and understand fully and clearly, even in the same manner as I have been fully and clearly known and understood [by God].

Black ... White ... Grey

Out of darkness, light shines.  Out of the black earth, life blooms.  It's so much more than black and white. Those grey areas that bring so many questions and make us wonder if we're going the right way or making mistakes are very present.  And in the big picture, they all play together in a wondrous image.

My challenge?  Learn to embrace it all.  Pursue the light ... but never be afraid of the black or the grey.  It's all part of our existence on this earth.  May we all find the spectrum a pleasing picture in the end of emerging into who we were meant to be - beings who are gracious, glorious, compassionate and real.

And a little nugget ... when darkness seems to overwhelm, forgiveness can bring the light where it is needed and reveal the good.  Just like exposing an image, it can bring out the detail and beauty that was hidden behind a shroud.  I love the ways that God turns even the dark days into opportunities for His light to burst through.  His healing always reveals hidden beauty, bringing strength and grace to us when we need it most.

Context

A beautiful tree was evolving on the concrete bridge ... an unexpected surprise as I went to take photos of the band playing in the park.  I love the moments that capture creation.  I love seeing a soul express art.  When I looked at my photos, I realized that my perception may have been very different if I saw this man in another setting - even if he happened to step away from his artwork and went to another area of the park to enjoy the music.  The blackened feet and hands alone may have been enough for me to think he was filthy and probably homeless! Oh what we miss when we take things out of context.  Oh what injustice we ascribe with our assumptions.

Express

It was effortless (well, almost) when I was young. Less filtered. More bold. I love seeing this in my kids ... At least when it is in a positive light! It does my heart good to see a talent expressed, enjoyed, pursued. It challenges me!

Honestly, even "negative" expressions challenge me. I shouldn't be afraid of the authentic emotions around me or even within me. It's an opportunity in a way. It's a window into the inner world that may go unacknowledged if left alone. It may need some nurture, some guidance, some encouragement, some prayer, some action.

The beauty of expression is something deep and wonderful. I don't know if it's possible to know that fully in one's lifetime, but I have a feeling it is a treasure to be gained when one can find the freedom to wear one's heart upon his or her sleeve. I just hope the effort is rewarded by the people who mean the most when it is!

Blooming

Bloom where you are planted ... that's what they say.  I think "they" are right.  But the key is being planted.

For many years, I have not been completely planted.  I've had the hope of being planted, but one can only flourish in small ways while hope is held at bay.  Proverbs was right ... "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." (Proverbs 13:12)

All this rightness is something I've missed for quite some time.  I kept thinking I could catch up, make up, adjust, connect, somehow get right again when my world was right again. But I kept losing my footing along the way, limping in a sometimes-lovely limbo.  But loveliness was a bit of a mirage.

So, I'm planting myself.  I think my dwindling roots had been loose and ready for quite some time.  But hope does not easily let go.  So when the time came, though the pain of change was sharp and hard and reverberating, drawing from rich soil has brought new life.  It's been two months and deep places are reviving from the inside and beginning to spread.  And now?  I'm finally feeling right, too.

Blooming is not without its challenges.  But it is infinitely better than lying dormant.  I think again of Proverbs 13:12 ... Blooming is longing!  And my longings are beginning to find fulfillment.  There is a sense of awe in the air, and I don't want to miss another moment to breathe it in.

So here I am ... before my beautiful Creator ... amazed by the beauty growing from what I thought I had neglected to the point of destruction.  It would have been enough just to breathe, but now I am blooming.

Shattered

I love how when I was in England, people used the word "shattered" to describe being exhausted. Such a descriptive word!

Today, I am shattered ... but not without hope.  I don't think I've ever had more happen in 24 hours EVER in my life.  (Well, a couple things come close in extremes - but nothing in sheer amount combined with extremes!)  I have to admit it makes me reach back into the ministry days and think that I must be doing something right to have this much chaos erupt.  I don't know if that's solid thinking any more - I'd have to go study again - and right now, I'm too shattered.

I remember my grandmother's poem ... One Shattered Splinter.  In the poem, she receives a gift from God (a crystal cup?) and because it wasn't what she wanted or expected, throws it down into shattered splinters.  After realizing what she had done, she picked up a splinter and began to write. I'll have to find that and post it.

Photo from Havering Park in the Secret Garden with Imogen Heap, Clear Village and the Garden Angels.

Heartstrings

My mind goes back to the "heartstrings" display at Living Arts in Tulsa.  I wish I had a full view photo that did it justice!  A series of suspended frames held these "heartstrings" where motion was initiated by tweets containing either "heart" or "love" (I can't remember which) where a brief opening appeared and then closed again.

I look over my life and see these myself responding to life as it unfolds ... sometimes subject to the whims around me, briefly opening and closing to the opportunities that come my way.  I probably shouldn't look back too much.  I wonder about the "what if" too much.

When my heartstrings are touched, I usually cry.  Good, bad, inspiring, significant ... my heart is moved and tears come.  And I do love that.  But I wish I could just make sure it is all orchestrated well!  Things move both slower and faster than I would like.  I am at once impatient and dragging my feet!

I wonder if my role right now is just to yield to life, to open my heart, to breathe in the beauty around me.  Moment by moment I can.

Holiday Spirit

I'm trying! It just doesn't seem like the Christmas season yet ... so when I had an extra 15 minutes after errands while Miss M was at dance class, I went to Rhema to see the lights.  Thankfully, my camera was in the trunk, so I played for a while.  I even tried to create a makeshift bokeh frame out of my drink cover.  Have you ever tried to purposely rip a heart shape into plastic? Not easy! I'll have to go back with a better creation.

In the meantime, I have been thinking about symbolic things ... anything to give a frame to my thoughts or feelings or place in life.  Tonight it's the unfocused but "new focused" interest that can be found by looking beyond the space between me and my environment.

There's more to a scene than what I can see in front of me.
There's more to my environment than what I can focus on.
There's more to my life than what I can carve out of my own efforts.
Somehow ... I want to get my focus off of me, off of the things around me, and set it so far past it all that a new picture appears ...
Something new, different, patterned with possibility, intersecting with inspiration, hinting toward a horizon ripe for discovery.

Maybe this will be my bokeh holiday ... looking past, focusing beyond myself, and finding new beauty.

One Moment Danced ...

My little one is growing up. She's becoming a young lady and a beautiful performer. I may need to do a series of photos just from her years in the Nutcracker!

And I do want to gripe just a bit.  I brought my camera to the performance hoping I'd hear those magic words: "No flash photography."  And I did!  Those words are my magic because I do NOT use flash (and truly hate it when all cameras are penalized because of those who).  So when I hear that, it's equal to saying, "Go ahead! Take all the photos you want as long as you don't use flash."

There was one lady evidently with the production (she had a name tag, but I couldn't read the name) who REALLY DID NOT LIKE ME taking those photos.  But far beyond me, she made quite the scene ... kept turning around, glaring, and giving very loud "SHHHH"s and even imitating me by saying something ... I heard "CLICK! CLICK! CLICK!" being uttered between other loud whispers I tried to ignore.  It's one thing when a camera makes a natural noise, and completely another when a human imitates, shushes, stares, glares, and turns around constantly.

I'm guessing it's people like her who are behind all the "NO _____" rules.  I would like to say that I am also not obtrusive like some can be (and I've heard used as a reason why cameras aren't allowed) ... I just sit in my seat and capture what I can.  Why?  Because of the above.  This is how I experience these things best - behind a lens, making memories for my loved ones and me to share.

The Stairs And I

I don't know why I didn't think about this before I acted on my desire to see a castle ... they don't have non-scary steps!  So in addition to my big accomplishments of walking and hiking all over creation and not dying, I also climbed TWO sets of these (there are two separate towers people can climb)!

The first one (above) took me a few times of starting/stopping/readjusting bags before I actually did it.  I held my breath, then told myself to breathe, and then would force myself to slowly breathe as I put each foot on a disappearing, skinny step.  There's only room for one on these!  Ignore the butterflies.  Think about things other than falling.  And voila!  Suddenly, you're on top!  There's only one downfall after the beautiful vistas ... you have to go back down.

But as you can see, I didn't die.  In fact, I'm uploading lots of photos to Flickr right now for others to enjoy!  I won't have time to upload them all right away (it's almost midnight here - and I have limited internet), but when they're done, you can find them here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/indigobleue/sets/72157627716733407/ 

Flowers to Flowers and Dust to Dusk

This is how my day started (in Lewes) and ended (in London) ... with a whole bunch of things in between!

Really, I wanted to write a poem, but can't seem to get the gears started.  I keep thinking about a phrase Imogen Heap used when talking about the song she is working on in conjunction with the garden project:

The piece I want to write is from the voice of the Walled Garden itself. A spoken word piece or perhaps a kind of collective voice for neglected spaces and abandoned man made structures. Being in the garden, I hear it almost sigh in relief with the news of this fresh enthusiasm. As if it's been calling out to anyone who might catch it from dust, to fall in love with it again. As those of you involved breathe a new life into the garden, community and beyond, it becomes clearer to me what it's been missing all these years and between spurts of getting my hands dirty, I'll be penning these thoughts.

And truly, the "dust" moment with the gravestone pictured above was part of a much bigger moment that I need to share ... but I'll need to revisit it and get more coherent thoughts on it.

Aching For Change ...

Aching for growth, for change, for direction, for peace.  There's a sun that shines ... and it shines on all ... I'm aching to stop running to and fro and soak it in somehow.