Sunday's Moment ...

Brought to you by Girl Scouts. This is how we started our day ... helping the MS Society and their guests. Post Oak Lodge outside of Tulsa is a beautiful place!!!

Saturday's Moment ...

Brought to you courtesy of TSF Dance Competition. We didn't come away with an award, but Miss M's mentor did - 1st place!

Rocker Girl and Fairy

So I am NOT big on the Halloween holiday, personally, but I do remember the joy of dressing up as a child and getting to experience something fun or wacky or just plain different for one day.  That hasn't changed in all these years!

Sounds of children ...

Playing, laughing, swinging ... it was all part of the adventure of being on set for the first time!  The independent film, "Pippin's Day Out" brought us to the park, thanks to the fortunate conversations of a coworker which led to an invitation to be an extra in the playground scene.

As usual, these things get me thinking.  Capturing those moments in time is precious.  As much as I love the visual element, I have to admit that sound is amazingly powerful.  I'm daydreaming about the value of hearing loved ones' voices back through a family tree, reminiscing to the sound of a child's laughter, and it makes me want to grab a recorder along with my cameras!  Suddenly I feel like Imogen Heap (how do I explain ... she collects sounds like I collect images and can create amazing things with them).

A cassette tape exists somewhere of my grandfather telling the story about how he tracked a moose (I believe).  If I recall, he didn't know someone had turned on a tape recorder, and those of us who weren't at the storytelling still heard it straight from his lips.  Hearing that again today - probably some 30 years or so later - would be priceless.  And plugging it in to a family tree these days is certainly a possibility!  I think I've given myself a project.

Resentments

I think I have blinders on ... I probably live like I do.  There is a mountain of necessary life that I feel like I must burrow myself into just to make it through by some sort of acceptible margin (though it never feels acceptible).  Then I run into something from my past.  WHAM!  Suddenly the resentment surges.  It's not without reason.  The opposite is true.  It is very much with reason!

But it might be that very thing that holds me back from taking a moment-by-moment appreciative stroll through life. 

I guess when deep, deep hurt comes at the hands of another person it's hard not to feel like they need to feel deep, deep hurt, too.  And not just for a moment ... but for at least as long as they were the ones doing the hurting. 

So if a specific person has been racking up the "hurt miles" big time for over 20 years, and I still feel like I'm scraping through the leftover muck and will be for the rest of my life, I'm sure it's understandable that I feel like any happiness that comes that person's way is completely undeserved.  But that doesn't make it right, either.

Early on, I thought I could forgive - and even understand.  As the years go by, it actually gets more difficult.  I guess it's because the hurt continues.  Resolution would be good.  Change would be even better.  But I secretly wish revenge was an option.  I'd have leverage like you wouldn't believe!

Daddy, where are you?

Most days seem to hold everything but peace ... instead the days are a blur as I race through trying (and failing) to do everything that is crying out for attention.

I am reminded of a day when my son was racing around in circles on his Big Wheel in the basement.  Those things are notoriously LOUD, and he was doing a good job of stirring up the noise.  But above the clatter of the wheels, I could hear him yelling over and over, "DADDY! WHERE ARE YOU?"  His father was answering him every time, but there was no way he could hear him over the noise he was creating. 

The picture seems a lot like me when life is so busy that I feel like I'm going around and around in circles.  I am!  And I'm probably making so much "noise" in my life that I can't hear the answer to my heart's cry ... whether it is to know where "my daddy" is, know my purpose, feel connected, or simply taste the sweet relief of peace.

How simple would it be to stop for a moment and ask those questions in silence?  Maybe more simple than I realize. 

Happy 11th Birthday, Miss M!

OK ... so I'm VERY late posting anything about Miss M's birthday ... but it was a WHIRLWIND! So, I'll back date this post so she can have a proper post on her birthday. Actually, she wanted a whole birthday page like her brother, but I don't know if I have it in me to do another one until she's 18!

Instead, we exhausted ourselves with another kind of surprise: a room makeover! As her schoolbus pulled away, Grandma and Grandpa pulled in. And away we went. I was furiously packing. And while I ran to work for a meeting, they continued the mad dash to move furniture, pack up extra stuff, find supplies to make a ballet barre, and get cranking on the project.

When she arrived home, when she looked down the hall to her room, instead of seeing her bed and night stand, she saw this (minus her, of course)! "WHAT HAPPENED TO MY ROOM?!?!" Madame R.E. and myself were responsible for creating the hot pink reading corner with chocolate and gold curtains, and the grandparents took Miss M shopping for a cool lamp the next day.

But the birthday surprises didn't end there ... dinner with the family who could come was quite a treat, a new FAVE CD and help relocating the pink chandelier from Uncle J, and the mad dash to get an iPod the next night courtesy of her dad and grandfather's checks topped it all off.

And there you have it ... birthday #11!

Anxiety and Gifted Children

I promised I'd share my findings from a seminar last week ... and I have to admit, I feel like I'm scratching the surface of a REALLY BIG deal. But more on that later.



And an additional link for gifted adults: http://giftedservices.com.au/adults.html

Here's to next time ...

The part in the movie didn't come her way (insert frown) but it was a great first experience and I'm sure there will be more! This is one of those "I never did that" things, so as a mom I'm still proud and excited.

Aspiring Actress Update

Now that she's been on an actual audition, does that make her an actress? I guess not until she gets a role! The update for today was just the audition itself. She didn't want me to go in with her (GASP!), so I waited with the other parents and girls. Later on, we got an email with all kinds of information to fill in on a profile. Not sure if that's a good sign or something everyone who auditions does ... but we'll see!

It was interesting to see the other girls there for the punk/emo/goth group scene. One was really quite cute with black and purple hair, piercings, etc. A couple others looked like shy girls with dark eyes, but authentic. One looked like "Wanna Be Emo Barbie" (but was awfully full of sparkles and all new/shiny like) with modeling comp cards in hand. And one more looked like country singer cutie pie with skinny jeans and flannel. Miss M? She's mild but authentic ... just like you see her above (another favorite photo of hers from last night): skinny jeans, hoodie, worn-out converse and the eye makeup she so desperately wants to wear (but mom usually vetos).

She brought some prints to school (the two we emailed last night) ... scared kids, I hear. Maybe they were just being, ummm, dramatic? I have to laugh.

WOWZA! A callback!

Guess what? After sending in these two photos last night, Miss M got called for an audition! I'm going to make it happen ... and if she's what they're looking for, she'll be filming with a group of girls on Friday!

Movie Time?

The casting email comes ... this one might fit! But we have to send in a recent photo, and if possible, I'd like it to resonate with the scene. Between ballet and pointe classes, she donned her black duds and tried NOT to look pretty.  We hit a few places, took a few pictures, and the last one of the night was our favorite ... BUT ... we're keeping that a secret for now.  I'll share more later if I have time.

As for the little model and wannabe actress, she's ELATED!  I think she's ready to put together a whole photo album of herself and share with the world.  As for me, I'm glad I had some time behind the camera and quality time with my daughter.  Regardless of the movie outcome, it's a life memory for both of us!

Joys of Nature

We got to discover all the leftover bounty in the garden at Grandma and Grandpa's place this weekend. This little guy turned out to be the mildest in a power-packed chili challenge! Why we couldn't curb our curiosity is beyond me. I really don't like those kinds of things, but somehow I was the first to cave in and try. After filming the antics of other sufferers, even my little one got in on the game! Brave girl. Silly adults.

Encouragements and Struggles

I have had another round of unexpected encouragements connected with work but not connected at the same time (it's something I do on my own time). My "I'm A Girl Scout" blog received some attention, and because it impacted others, I was greatly encouraged ... Not for me, but for the fact that it made a difference.

I'm not going to go into detail, neither am I going to post this anywhere other than my personal blog. But what I will say is that I had the wonderful moment of hearing how another staff person was weighing recent messages about her purpose, and after reading my story, with tears running down her face, called her family to tell them that she indeed was where she should be and felt this is her calling.

Funny how my words in a simple story can define purpose in others while I'm struggling with my own. It makes me wonder ...
... Am I missing my purpose?
... Or could that BE my purpose?
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Love and Science

I happened to come across this blog post: The Brain in Love and Lust

"In a study published in 2002, anthropologist Helen Fisher PhD of Rutgers University and a multi-disciplinary team of experts recruited 40 young people madly in love - half with love returned, the other half with love rejected - and put them into an MRI with a photo of their sweetheart and one of an acquaintance. Each subject looked at the sweetheart photo for 30 seconds, then - after a diversion task - at the acquaintance photo for another 30 seconds.. They switched back and forth for 12 minutes.

The result was a revealing photo album of the brain in love. Think like a brain scientist and you too would be excited by activity in the right ventral tegmental area. This is the part of the brain where dopamine cells project into other areas of the brain, including the posterior dorsal caudate and its tail, both which are central to the brain’s system for reward and motivation. The sweetheart photos, but not the acquaintance photos, were the cause. In addition, several parts of the prefrontal cortex that are highly wired in the dopamine pathways were mobilized, while the amygdala, associated with fear, was temporarily mothballed."

It makes me think of a Bible verse ... "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear." (1 Jn. 4:8)

My Boy is 18!!!

I'm not sure how that is possible ... and yet the road certainly seems that long when viewed in certain ways.  There have been shining moments and dark days.  But one thing remains, I love him.  For friends and family who don't know, we tried a move to Ohio to see if it helped bring an uphill curve, so it's been very different without him in Oklahoma!  And celebrating special days is not very easy.  I probably went a little bit overboard compiling all kinds of memories for his birthday, but here's his own blog page from my heart:  http://indigobleue.blogspot.com/p/happy-birthday-jeremy.html

My Latest "IngShui" Collection

Inspired by images from O'ahu, I've finally settled on my next "IngShui" collection. It is yet unnamed, and each element has yet to receive the words in final form ... but this is the early form of what has become for me a powerful expression of my desires in various areas of my life.

PROSPERITY: vibrant, colorful and unusual
REPUTATION: calm and deep with creative bursting metamorphasis
RELATIONSHIPS: intimate and open
CREATIVITY: washing, moments of reflective expression
MENTORS: none missing, linked together
CAREER: fresh, rich, life-giving
KNOWLEDGE: embracing and even learning the past, knowing it is still affecting us today
FAMILY & HEALTH: peaceful
FOCUS: reflecting & illuminating from beyond myself

Love The Earth

Sunset on Mount Scott, Oklahoma from Ingrid Williams on Vimeo.

I've been so inspired recently with a couple of videos (below) that are a little like my style of still photography that I decided to try my hand with a little handheld unit while on my surprise birthday vacation.  THEN ... I heard about Imogen Heap's Love The Earth film project and decided I'd see if one of my little clips might be worth sharing.  So ... what you see if my first ever attempt at capturing the beauty of nature via video.  My original inspirations are linked below, but I AM CHOMPING AT THE BIT to create now.  Not just the images and the moments that breathe behind them ... but creating the music, too.  Maybe my heart really can find some footing to revive itself musically!


Around Venezia from Icam on Vimeo.


Un jour de printemps from Icam on Vimeo.

American Idol Tour 2010

Just a fun moment ... I think my daughter would like to share her closet!

4-Pack Fertilizer and the Electric Moweress

Presenting the backyard green team!
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